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#TaggTeamWithToni: I'm 37 and have never been in a relationship – will love ever find me?

Thu, Jun 16, 2022

Through tarot readings, Bakang uses meditation and mindfulness to provide guidance on matters ranging from love and career to their life paths

Q: I’m 37 with a 12-year-old child but I’ve never been in a “proper” relationship before. Will love ever find me? 

A: I would firstly like to reassure you of the fact that there’s nothing inherently unlovable about you. While your dating history may not look like the next person’s, it's not some testimony to the fact that the worst things you think about yourself, and all your insecurities, are true.

Some of the least lovely people in the world have found love, my friend, and that alone is a testament to the fact that there’s absolutely someone out there who’ll be into whatever it is that you have going on.

Perhaps all the false starts you’ve had when it comes to relationships have been trying to serve the purpose of showing you what not to do/what doesn’t work for you. Sometimes while we may think we’ve thought all there is to think about a predicament, we miss the very simple fact that maybe certain things are simply not for us.

Not all repetitive cycles are curses from our enemies: sometimes we go around in circles because we’re failing to see that where we are is not the only place to be. Shame and confusion can have one looking down at their feet and pondering things for so long that we erode the foundation beneath our feet and dig ourselves a hole of our own making.

What habits/behaviours/thought patterns simply haven’t borne any fruit, for you, when it comes to looking for love? What have you been looking for, that perhaps doesn’t align with what’s best for you in the long term? When it comes to dealing with God and the ancestors, sometimes we’re denied things not because they want to punish us, but because the things we want are simply not going to work for who we’re meant to be. The love you want now, the love you’ve wanted before, and the love you’ll want in the future are all different.

Even in the face of rejection and disappointment we must change in an attempt to keep in step with the ever revolving door of time and the options it presents us. If you’re supposed to want more/different but you’re still trying to meet the needs of a version of you that existed 10 years ago, in the now, of course it’s going to feel like you’re running in place to an undetermined destination.

Check in with yourself and whatever force you believe governs your life and introspect/align on where you are in life, and love. You may be so caught up on what you think you’ve missed that you’re holding on to desires you should have long surpassed and you end up not asking for what the present version of you requires.

Once you know what your life and heart really need and what kind of partner would best complement your growth, ask for it and begin the work of releasing what could have been to receive what should be.

If you would like Toni aka Bakang to answer your personal questions – whether they are about the meaning of life, love problems or colleagues with weird vibes – DM us on Twitter. We'll keep you anonymous 😉